Limerent Over You

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At times like this..

Why do I still find myself encapsulated in the thoughts of you?

You don’t like me. I get that. I understand.. I seriously… do…

But why am I finding myself getting choked up over and over again?

For whatever reason?

Let me see..

The last time we talked was when you thought I was still in Indonesia. We talked on the phone, but when you found out that I in fact had returned to Melbourne, you retracted. Feeling foolishly defeated, I seek for revenge and called you back. We did not even talk. Watching you play video games was good enough for me. As stupid as it may sound, at least by doing so, I could fool myself into thinking that I was finally close to you. But like all things good, it didn’t last for very long. You said that you felt sleepy and so we stopped.

After that, no more..

You acted all goofy and flirty when you knew I was in Indonesia.

But why do you suddenly act all distant and cold when you know that I am back in Melbourne?

Strange, don’t you think?

If you felt like asking me out for coffee when I was in Indonesia, why has the desire to have coffee with an old friend suddenly disappeared into thin air when the said person is finally physically available to say yes to hanging out?

Putting romantic feelings aside, sometimes I think to myself..

Why can’t we be good friends?

You and I live on the same floor, in the same building.

An act of kindness or two would be nice, wouldn’t it?

Just between two old friends and nothing more.

But through the whole time course that I have lived literally 10 steps away from you, the only times that we spent together was when I threw away my pride and asked you out to hang out with me. From your side? I never heard shit.

You never asked me to hang out, in or out of the building.

You mentioned that you don’t know me very well. But do you really intend to know me any better? I don’t think so..

Sometimes I feel utterly frustrated, not due to my feelings unreciprocated, but due to the lack of interest or even anything of any kind from you. Friend to friend, it’s ironic that we are not even friends anymore, pal. I’m still good friends with a few of my old friends who live thousands of miles away from where I currently live. But why is it so hard for YOU and ME to be on good terms when we can literally spare only a few minutes of the day to check on how the other person’s doing. No need to hang out, just be nice.

I’m not asking you to marry me.

A simple “hello, how’s it going” would perfectly suffice.

Don’t stress about how wrong it would come off if you started acting nice. Don’t worry about me misconstruing your act of kindness. Those are my personal feelings and I am pretty sure that I can handle those wild beasts myself. Do worry about how big of an ass you are being right now, though.

That’s more relevant.

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