I was casually chatting with a friend of mine earlier today.
We were talking about travels and such when the topic naturally went astray to talking about boys
She said to me, “Let’s go travel and look at cute boys together! Let’s find boyfriends together!”
I laughed at her idea, but then I stopped as I realized and immediately retorted,
“Eh! Why do YOU want to look at cute boys and find a boyfriend!!”
“How about xxx??”
“You and xxx..”
“Don’t tell me..”
I was expecting for the worst.
And the worst was what I got.
“Nooo, we broke up alreadyyy”, she replied.
“WHEN?? WHY???” were the only responses that I could come up with.
At this age of mine, I am not sure of what’s more shocking.
A friend breaking up with her partner or a friend getting married with her partner.
I often feel that I’m in an age purgatory.
In an awkward transition of being young and carefree with absolutely no care in the world to being all grown up making big ass decisions and commitments.
It’s like, I feel that we are not “there” yet at our level of maturity but we have sort of “passed” those days of fun and freedom.
Just like how Taylor Swift puts it in 22, “… we’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time.”
Except I’m not 22.
But it’s the same awkward feeling looking at our peers either still denying the urgent need to grow up or trying hard to be taken seriously in the society.
Anyway, back to where we left off.
So this friend of mine told me that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend.
Reason being, she isn’t even sure.
They have been in a long distance relationship since she came back home for good last year so perhaps that contributed heaps to the decision..? I don’t know.
And then she continued telling me about how she is torn between finding a new one and giving her heart a rest.
One thing led to another, she then told me how another friend of ours was able to find a new boyfriend within a month of having broken up with her old one. And how an old boyfriend of another friend of ours found a new girlfriend within a few months of breaking up, even though he was previously in a very serious, committed, long term relationship with that other friend of ours. They were together for almost 6 years and the fact that the boyfriend could find a speedy replacement for her within a few months of them breaking up was completely beyond us.
They hurt, don’t they. Break ups.
After listening to this friend of mine, it got me thinking.
People are putting their hearts out there.
People are actually wearing their hearts on their sleeves.
They are loving so openly and how they change from partner to partner within such a short period of time is almost too fascinating to believe.
Doesn’t your heart need to heal?
I mean, to be in a relationship, you need to give your partner your all.
And if your all are taken away from you, what have you got left of you?
If you were “playing smart” and wasn’t giving your all to your partner in the first place, then was the relationship of any worth?
If not, why bother entering into it in the first place?
I think this is the reason why I am not in a relationship, huh..
I think too much.
And perhaps feel a little too much too.
Too much too early.
But seriously though, sometimes I couldn’t seem to be able to wrap my head around how young people love and/or do relationships nowadays.
Let’s take another case of someone I know.
He had only met this girl approximately one or two weeks ago.
He had only known her for two weeks tops.
But he still decided to ask her out and now they are officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
How much are you able to know about another person within a time span of weeks?
Do you view relationships so casually?
Am I supposed to view relationships more casually?
Have I been thinking too much all these while?
Sometimes, as a form of consolation, I think to myself.
God must love me so much that God doesn’t want me to hurt at all.
You know how relationships hurt when they don’t work out.
Maybe God wants me to be patient as God has prepared the best one for me.
So that I don’t need to waste my time hurting with all the wrong people.
God is preparing the best for me, the perfect partner for me to spend the rest of my life with.
God is preventing me from suffering through all the wrong sorts of relationships.
But at the same time, I question myself, thinking.
When relationships don’t work..
It does not mean that it wasn’t worth being in at all.
Do you know how much does it take for someone’s heart to suffer that much for another person?
Through relationships, your heart grows.
And through each break ups, in every relationships, the heart continues to learn.
To be better and bigger.
Learning to let go.
And regardless of the amount of pain that it had been through, the heart still continues to eventually heal itself and continue to love.
But how about me?
When do I get the chance to learn?
Which makes me think..
Is it really a good thing for me not to be involved in any relationships?
Even the dummy ones, ones that aren’t meant to last.
Can’t I at least have one or two of those for practice?
So that I know how to appreciate the right one when he comes along?