Well, I am.
I gotta admit, I am one lonely person.
Most days, I could just suppress all the loneliness in me with daily routines and whatnots.
But some days, I just need someone to talk to. Friends whom I can talk to about things. People that I can talk to, other than my parents.
I am currently living with my parents, and working with them everyday. So I practically see them 24/7. Their ideals slowly become my ideals. The way they think and speak is perpetually reflected in me. And I gotta tell you, they are not happy people.
Those of you who know me personally, are well aware of that I am not a positive person. And where did I get that trait from? Predominantly from my upbringing, i.e. my lovely parents. They are negative, narrow minded people who are more on the vintage side.
So sometimes, when I have been stuck together with them for too long, I really need some fresh air. To remind me that things are not as bad and critical, and that the sun still shines in the morning and there are still things to be thankful for. Not everything is depressing, and that I cannot be happy if I do not choose to be happy.
You know, mood boosters.
A different set of angle.
A different perspective.
But take this week, for example.
I thought everything is running smoothly.
Since two or three weeks ago, I have been requested by a friend of mine to spare some time of mine to meet him. We both agreed to meet up this Saturday, which was today. But earlier this week, I had to reschedule with him and changed it to Sunday, which is tomorrow. Reason being, I was sick earlier this week and had to take a day off work. It is currently two weeks before Chinese New Year and in my parents’ business, it means things are only starting to get heated up as shoppers do their last minute shopping spree before Chinese New Year. So even though I could take my Saturday off this weekend to meet my friend, but because I already took a day off due to my illness earlier this week, I felt guilty if I were to enjoy my weekend off as well. Therefore I decided to still come in on Saturday and help out my parents and hopefully could get my friend to change our meeting to Sunday. He agreed. We then even agreed upon the meeting place and the exact time to meet up. I was going to introduce him to a good brunch place in town. I even already planned out what type of food that to recommend him, for God’s sake. And to imagine how he would react to the oh-so-good coffee! At least something to look forward to for me at the end of the week, right?
He texted me earlier today saying that he was not feeling well and would like to reschedule our meeting to next weekend. He said he couldn’t make it for tomorrow.
I was crushed.
Not because I can’t meet him, but because I had already planned out this short getaway from my parents and the shop and the business for tomorrow. Because I am going to be stuck in the shop at least for the next two weeks, because my parents had already booked me in for next weekend. They said that next weekend is going to be the last weekend before Chinese New Year, it is going to be super busy and they would appreciate if I were around to help out. Thinking of it from a logical perspective, holiday seasons don’t come every week here in Indonesia and for my parents to ask me to sacrifice a weekend or two during the holiday seasons, logically, it makes sense. I have all the other Sundays of the whole year to myself, right.. So yeah, I will be working in the shop next week for the whole week including weekend and the week after.
That means, the earliest that I could go out with my friends again would be the week after Chinese New Year. I can’t go that long without socialising with other people my age!? Too much of anything is bad. Even when that means too much of your parents.
I need time off.
And I only have tomorrow.
And that stupid friend of mine just cancelled on me.
I tried asking my other friends out (which was only one or two) but they were all busy.
But I really desperately want to hang out with someone, at least before my intensive period kicks in.
And you know what, I have nobody..
It makes me sad..
I don’t have friends.
Sure, I have a couple of close ones. But they have their own lives. When they say no, who can I turn to? No one.
And it crushed me.
How can a person have no one to talk to, to hang out with, when that person is in desperate need of human interactions?
And to think that I still purposely avoid people sometimes.. *chuckles*
Do I even have the right to choose friends?
Now I don’t have friends, am I happy now?
Good job pushing more and more people away from your life, you.
Sometimes, all I yearn is to get together with my group of close friends and just hang out, you know. The meeting doesn’t need to be elaborate, it doesn’t need to involve anything fancy. We might only be wearing plain tees and shorts and dine in a rather shabby looking restaurant where the food is bomb, and we could all just talk nonstop and laugh away all of our problems and worries like they’re nothing whilst in the back of our not-so-young-anymore minds, we all know that the problems in hand will not go away just like that, but we all know that right at that very moment, this would just be enough. And tomorrow would be a different day to tackle..