Why is it so hard to find a decent man these days?

I understand that no one is a perfect fit for anyone. There are flaws, imperfections that one needs to deal with in a partner.

And I’m not asking for anything out of the ordinary. I understand there are different combinations to a person. Well, in this case, a guy.

A guy can be full of principles, knows how to lead but hot headed and at times disrespectful towards other people’s opinions. A guy may appear nice, has good manners but lacks drive in life. A guy can be protective, sensitive but doesn’t know how to lead. You see where I’m going?

I understand. I completely understand that there will always be some things that you just need to tolerate when you want to be with someone. It’s more of a compromise kind of thing. Can his good points overshadow his bad points? How do you see him as a person as a whole?

I understand. And I am not asking for someone to be the perfect fit.

But please, guys, show me some decency.

Why is it so hard to find someone who has a kind heart, who is patient enough to get to know me more without throwing judgements, who is willing to see me beyond what is visible to the naked eye. Someone who has no ill intentions and values relationships and friendships at face value. Someone who is not manipulative when they are in pursuit of you. I need someone with a good heart. Because a good heart can bring you places. With a good heart, you can be understanding, you can be patient, you can be caring and nurturing even when you normally are not that kind of person. Because when the circumstances dictate and the relationships have reached a certain point, the compromise is given, not asked.





When was the last time you felt alive?

Sometimes, when I look at myself, and at the people around me,

I think I would very much enjoy being around people of my age.

Being around mature people have its perks as they direct you in the right direction with a sense of security and stability, but sometimes, being a 20 something year old myself, I just want to be surrounded by young people who think alike me. Young, reckless people who has nothing to lose, yet every little aspect of their lives ahead of them to lose for.

This song gives me that vibe, the vibe to be alive..

“Think I can fly, think I can fly when I’m with you..”

” I know that I’m rich enough for pride, I see a billion dollars in your eyes, Even if we’re strangers till we die..”


Where do I start?

“Do you think we are wasting our lives away?”  I asked a friend of mine.

“Yes..” she swiftly replied, with a hint of resentment in her voice.

“If yes, then why aren’t we making a difference?”

Silence followed..

She gave me no answer.

Even I paused at the thought of that.

Since my life isn’t exactly how I imagined it to be, what have I done to shift it in the direction of my favour?


I have done no shit.

Ever since I stepped my foot in Jakarta once again after being away for quite some time, I have done quite a bit of re-adjusting and getting used to the things that Jakarta has to offer that Melbourne didn’t.

The fact about the Gen Y population in Jakarta is,

Let me put it this way:

Jakarta is becoming better and better. The standards have steadily grown up. Reason being, there are plenty of kids who went to study abroad, have gathered up enough knowledge, and came back to this motherland for good. What these millennial kids do, is bringing the knowledge, culture, lifestyle that they acquired during their time abroad into Indonesia. And with the help of technology (which they are coincidentally very adept at), these kids are making a difference, good difference.

While some of them continue climbing up the corporate ladder by working for some major, fancy corporations, there are a percentage of them who choose to do business. New businesses are popping up ever single day here in Jakarta alone, offering new and fresh concepts for the market to feast on. And these businesses are, at large, governed by 20 something year olds who is about the same age as me.

And ever since I came back here to Jakarta, boy I have lost count on how many times I have been inspired.

Amongst all of them, there are a few that stand out to me the most.

  1. Common Grounds Coffee and Roastery.

Having separated from my love for coffee in Melbourne ever since I return home for good, I have to admit that Common Grounds is the closest thing that you can find here in Jakarta that best reflects the vibe that I have been looking for. Even though I can’t judge much based on the cuisine and coffee alone, but their aspirations, principles, and their passion for coffee truly astounds me every time I see their work. And how the creators of Common Grounds can actually bring that passion and ideas to life, I applaud them for having dreams and actually realizing it.

  1. Dough Darlings

Dough Darlings, their expertise is only in one thing. Doughnuts.

But what are the most admirable traits that they possess are:

  • They have no physical store
  • All of their doughnuts can only be ordered online
  • They are innovative in terms of flavours as they change their menus regularly. Spring collection, Chinese New Year themed, you name it. And they are quite the daredevil in terms of innovating new flavours too such as Grilled Corn Cheese, Lime Mojito, even using traditional Indonesian desserts as inspirations such as Klepon bomb, Panada. Keep in mind we are still on the subject of doughnuts here..

And every time I see these people running their businesses, I couldn’t help but pause in awe at how great they are. Earlier today, I received a box of dough darlings from a friend of mine. This is my first time having my hands on the darlings, and boy was I impressed. Taste wise, of course, to no surprise. But the detailings, the box that it came in, the brochures, even the invoice that it came with. As I looked at the brochures, I thought of how these people can be so good. It is exactly how I want MY brochure would be if I were to run a doughnut business. It was sleek and creative at the same time. But the thing is, the reality is, why is it when I am the one actually being given the chance to run the business, I don’t think I would have enough brain power to come up with something so interesting and new.

And the more I think about how these people run their businesses, the more I am motivated to be like them. But the question that always lingers is..

Where do I start?


And it frustrates me so much because I know I am not meant to do only THIS.

I am not meant to only go to the shop every day, wait for customers to walk in, 6 pm go home, tomorrow go to the shop again.

I am capable of doing a whole lot more.

I am capable of greatness.

I should strive for greatness.

I should not settle.

But how do I start.. ?






Two days before I officially turn 24 aaannd…

… I’m depressed.

Don’t know if it’s the weather, or fatigue

But today I somehow just feel like crying all day..

Oh my emotions, could you please NOT



Don’t Smile

Earlier this morning, I had to give a warning to one of the workers in my mother’s shop for being late.

It wasn’t mandatory. But since I was sitting behind the counter and my mother wasn’t in yet, I felt that I hold the responsibility to discipline the workers when necessary. 

And this morning, that happened.

Today, the shop opened at 9:30 am. And that girl came in at 10:00 am. I would have let it slide, really. But what drove me to speak up was because when she came into the shop, she did not bother to present herself to me to mention why she was late. I didn’t need an explanation, she could have just casually mentioned she was late because she missed the bus or something, anything. But no, so what she did was, hurriedly walked into the shop, put her bag, and tried to act busy. 

So what I did, in response to that was, I called up her name and asked her to stand before me and explain why she was late. Sounds pretty good so far, right. But this happened.. She was nervous, I could sense fear in her eyes when I called up her name, so when I asked her to explain herself, she looked at me apologetically and said:

“I’m so sorry, I’m having a cold and I had to take medicine last night. That’s why I woke up late this morning I’m so sorry, sorry..”

And much to my bewilderment and frustration after, my first reflex to that was to SMILE and SAY IT’S OK. Like WTH ME!? Couldn’t you have been more stern??? One shan’t smile when one gives out warnings, now! 

But luckily I gathered up myself quite fast and told her not to do it again next time. I then proceeded to explain to her that our shop opens at this time and she should always make sure she is present at that particular time. So this mistake shall not be repeated again the future. She said yes, sorry again and went away.

Problem solved.


Why did I smile??? I should have not bought her excuse and told her off sternly to not do that anymore. But she was so apologetic and I felt bad for her…

But then again, you shouldn’t smile, you stupid idiot! 😡

Don’t take customers too seriously.

Be it retail customers, or people in general, try not to take them too seriously.

They might be having a bad day, their dog just died or they might have just found out that their husband cheated on them because they are stuck up grandmas who just aren’t able to deliver sexually anymore. 

Whatever their reasons might be, they might not just be feeling it at that particular moment. And you just happened to be right there at, from the looks of it, the wrong timing. So they put on their bitchy faces for you and refused to talk nicely to you.

For example, what happened to me today. 

I realized that a lot of customers refused to shop because my mother wasn’t around. They looked for my mother because they are regular customers of hers. I just happened to be in charge of the store today. So when they refused to shop in the store just because she wasn’t around, there wasn’t much that I could do about it. Too bad, loves. It’s me today.

But the disappointed look on their faces when I told them my mother wasn’t around, how they doubted the prices that I gave them, how they said they’ll just come back when my mom is around, slowly got to my nerves as I started to take things too personally. 

For example, there was this auntie just now who came in to buy some pants. I greeted her politely and everything, but the expression that she put on her face was brutal. She didn’t look at me in the eye when I talked to her and gave me this exasperated look whenever I started talking. When I offered her to sit down or to have a look at the blouses, she pretended that she couldn’t hear me. When she sat down, she turned her back on me and looked somewhere else, refusing to engage in small talks with me. I intended to entertain her because she was waiting for one pair of pants which was to be delivered from my other store and she was old. But when she had her backs on me and refused to look at me or listen to me, I gave up. At one point, she looked at me sceptically and said, “Where’s your boss? Who is she to you? Your mom?”  To which I replied, “Yes, she’s my mom.” And she looked away again.

I am an extremely overly sensitive person. So I have the tendency to take things too personally sometimes. If not, most of the times. Like this auntie, after I confirmed with her that my mother is my mother, I noticed that she gave me this look as if she was saying, “What a nightmare it must be for your mother to have a daughter like you.. Are you sure she’s your mother, you don’t look like her in one bit” or anything ghastly that would basically confirm her irrational dislike towards me.

I tried to brush off my bad feelings after being given such awful faces and attitudes, especially by customers, based on one simple idea i.e. customer is king. So however offended you get, do not show it on your face and still serve them with smiles. But i can’t. I couldn’t bring myself to. I’m transparent. However I feel, gets shown on my face involuntarily. And this is becoming a problem because who I am dealing with most of the time are customers. And I need their money. 

Sometimes I think it must be my face. I don’t have a very nice face. But this is just who I am. I can’t change it. 

What can be changed, is my attitude towards the problem. Hence, I shall learn not to take things too seriously.. 

Even though it’s so so hard.. 

Happy New Year 2016, everyone! 

Just like what people say, new year – new me. Lolz talk about being clichè

Here’s to no more heartbreaks in 2016 ! 😊